Finally!

Greetings, all!

Well, it took long enough, but dad finally let me back onto this infernal machine to pour forth my nuggets of wisdom.

How long has it been since my last report? Three months? Blimey. I guess we've been busy.


We've all been up to our usual tricks. Dad is mad busy trying to finish his latest animated film (something about fleas and mountains) and mum is huffing and puffing and complaining that someone keeps kicking her. Don't look at me. I might have the shoes for the job, but I don't kick my mummy.


I have been steadily asserting my dominance in this place, I watch Avatar whenever I want,


I drive myself around,


and I sleep wherever I damn well want.



Now that I have virtually all of my teeth in place, I am thoroughly enjoying whatever my parents are trying to eat. However, sometimes I let them strap me into my chair and force other consumables upon me. I am particularly fond of watermelons,


although nothing beats a jam sandwich!


It has been mentioned that I have a drinking problem. This is not true. I will admit though, that I prefer to drink laying down as it saves time.


I am trying to be helpful around the apartment, tidying not only my toys, but also myself when company calls unexpectedly.




I even help Uncle Paul keep his big house clean.


I have been hanging out with my friends, some old, some new, some robotic.
The geek scouts still like to get together every now and then for a giggle and a cup of tea. Here we are hanging out with our newest member.


I also went with Oliver to the zoo, I have decided I want the new baby to be a meerkat.




My other new friend is Sophia, and daddy taught me how to subdue and romance a possible future girlfriend.


Here I am with another pal listening to dad read a book (he's good at reading)


and again with Elmo, who I think was secretly after my balloon.


I also really like R2 D2,


although meeting the real thing was a little daunting!


So, what else is new?
Well, my drawing skills are improving,


I'm modeling for GQ,


Spring has sprung,


and daddy lets me play with the cars he used to play with when he was my age.
Cheapskate.



Finally, for those of you who did not know - in approximately three weeks time I will have a baby sister!
No name decided yet. My money's on Bambi though.

Here is a rough idea of what she will look like!



Wish me luck!!


HJB out.

Enjoying the attention (while I still can)

Greetings, subjects,

Well, I just turned 18 months old, and I don't feel a day over 19 months. With this new age comes new wisdom, but not, apparently, the ability to use a spoon properly.


Dad is very proud of me, claiming that I am, after all, his own flesh and blood, due to the fact that I love sausages, popsicles and peaches, and hate celery. I like to make dad happy.


My intended sibling continues to hog mum's attention - here is one of the latest pictures of him, her, it...


Looks pretty freaky if you ask me.

My parents are still indoctrinating me with their insidious religion, here is my new ride (courtesy of Aunty Melinda). She don't look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.


Actually, I rather enjoy this inflatable hunk of junk - and frequently use it during my t.v. viewing sessions.


It helps that Bruce's mum and dad sent me this awesome flying jacket too!


Recently, mum took me to Lucasfilm in San Francisco. There she posed with the most evil force in the galaxy. Oh, and some bloke called Daft Hayder or something.


Actually, I think their brainwashing might be working, as the more astute among you (and by astute, I mean nerdy) might tell from this next picture.


Well, I've got to go. I need to return these new shoes mum bought me - honestly, I think this pregnancy has fried her mind.


Back to the drawing board!



HJB out.

The Second Coming

Greetings, minions, and a Happy New Year to you all!

I'm back in the US of A and I have a lot to share with you - so hold onto your potatoes, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

Flying is fun. Providing you are a baby, and not the owners of a baby, nor the passengers in the immediate vicinity of said baby. To be fair though, I thought my behavior was pretty good, not like the old lady in front of me who threw up all the way from San Francisco to London on the way out, or the man doing sneaky bottom burps behind me on the way back. Actually, during the stringent security check on the way to the States, I got my first ever frisking.
Needless to say, it was an enjoyable moment for both parties, and phone numbers were exchanged.

So, what went down in jolly old England?

Well, it snowed. Interesting stuff, snow. Kinda fun, kinda wet. The jury's still out on its usefulness.


It did teach me a thing or two about the hardiness of the locals though - although some might mistake this for stupidity.


It was fun seeing Nanny Annie again. She taught me how to use dangerous implements to mark furniture,


and introduced me to her pet fox in the back yard.


The best bit about the trip was being able to catch up with friends and family in order for them to fawn all over me and shower me with praise and jaffa cakes.
Here I am with my auntie, uncle and cousins...


...mum and dad's friends, Geoff and Sui, and Bruce...


...grandad Baker...


... and all of us tearing into our pressies with auntie Christine and uncle Dave.


We went to Christine and Dave's house for xmas dinner, which was a lot of fun.
Mum led me to their house, which is about ten houses up the street from Nanny Annie's place.


It was here that I encountered my first full turkey dinner. Blimey - I could get used to this! Cheers!


Unbelievably stuffed, I took a moment to relax at the table...


...before indulging in a spot of cat-tormenting.


I got some great presents for xmas, not the least of which was this knitted stealth cardigan from uncle Dave's mum. Unfortunately, its powers of invisibility are only effective when I am standing in front of Dave's mum.


Wow, this trip was such a lot of fun!
I played with auntie Julie a lot...


...until it all ended in a punch-up.


I read my Star Wars book with Bruce...


And got mercilessly tickled by Sean.


I especially enjoyed indulging in a spot of English television. I'm really not sure what these CBeebie programmers are on - but daddy wants some.


I had many likes and dislikes during my stay.
I loved dad's bizarre, yet barely attempted, party balloon animals...


... but wasn't so keen on some of the stuff that passes for baby food over there. That said, if you've got any spare Farley's Rusks laying around, feel free to send them my way!


I was delighted and touched by the huge supply of toys and equipment that had been rustled up by mum and dad's family and friends...


But I didn't like the idea of having to renounce my nationality while living under Nanny Annie's roof.


All in all, I had a splendid time, and was sorry to say goodbye.
I can't wait for our next trip over-seas.
Having said that, it was nice to get back to the balmy weather of San Jose, and go for a walk in the park with uncle Paul upon our return.


We had a lovely time over the holiday period - thanks to everyone who made it so special!

I'll leave you with the reason for my excited face...


I'm getting an apprentice!



Happy 2010, y'all!

HJB, out.