Look what I can do!

Hello subjects, um, fellow citizens...

Well, here I am, fast approaching my fourteenth week here in the the world, and it only seems like I've been here a few months!

I've been doing some serious sleeping on Dad, and have discovered that the top of my itchy bonce fits snugly under his scratchy beard - so I spend most mornings rubbing my scalp on him. I know he loves it - he craves any kind of human interaction, even if he is being used.

Don't think I've been slacking off with my world plans for peace and domination - I take every available moment to contemplate new even more fiendish schemes.

When I finally get a new idea I try not to show it - but I think the parents might be onto me - I have no idea what gives the game away...

In an effort to foster a more creative train of thinking, mum and dad took me to a special exhibition all about some geezer called Leonado Da Vinci. It was all about his inventions, and had nothing to do with his secret code, which was a bit of a let down. Still, he was a clever fellow, and I firmly believe that some of his inventions will come in very useful in the future - especially if I have to storm any battlements. Here is mum showing me around.

And here is dad catching digital butterflies in front of a giant screen while I excitedly snooze.

I have to admit - I think all this stimulation is paying off. These days I take a lot more interest in the books dad reads to me - I am actually concerned for the long eared rabbit in this classic bit of literature.

I have also been practising sitting up - and am very close to doing it all by myself. Let me do it! I'm a big boy!

I'm getting the hand of this standing up lark too. I love locking my knees in place, and sometimes I have a little dance with dad. He's a nut.

At the end of the day though, there's nothing I like better than plonking down in front of the telly with a brewski and the remote and flicking between the Sci-Fi channel and the Girls Gone Wild adverts.

OK - I'll love you and leave you,

Until next time, HJB out.

Three Months Old!

How time flies.
It's hard to believe that I have gone from this:


to this!


I had a lot of fun during Halloween - it gave me a great opportunity to try out some menacing poses, and I think the costume helped a little bit to sell my role as the baby of death - mwahahaha!


Well, it did until mom put this bib on me that was sent from England by my good pal Bruce. As much as I love my new bib, I feel that it detracts somewhat from the look of malevolence that I was striving for.


Mom and dad are getting a good workout these days whenever they pick me up - my last weigh-in clocked me at 14.5 lbs, that's heavier than dad's bowling ball. In my defense, they did weigh me before a particularly momentous bowel movement, so in actuality I am probably closer to 9 lbs.


So what else is new? Well, I enjoy sucking on my fist which seems to be a great way to communicate to my alleged parents that I am hungry - it works every time. I like to flail my arms and legs around a lot and enjoy gripping various things such as my toy monkey, my rings, mom's hair, dad's chest hair and uncle Paul's wrist hair. I think this is making me very popular.
Speaking of hair, I love getting my hair washed.


However, during these shampoo sessions, I can't help but look at dad's head and wonder if the same fate is going to befall me.


Actually, I do a lot of looking up these. My alleged parents have these things called 'lights' dotted all over the house, and like a moth I just can't tear my eyes away from them. Dad was trying to show me one of his paintings the other day, but I found the light fitting directly above me much more interesting. Says a lot for his technique I think.


Oh well, that's the end of this week's report. Everything is going swimmingly and we are all having fun. I'm looking forward to the end of the year when I will be fought over by a couple of grandmas and treated to my first English-style Xmas right here in sunny California!
I'll leave you with a spooky, disembodied head shot of me. Dad thinks it's cute, but I like to think of it more as a terrifying portrait of mystery and portent.


Until next time, HJB out.

Happy Halloween!

I'm ready for my close up.

Just in case you were getting tired of still images of me - here is a little video that my dad made using one of his favorite singers.

He said that on this blog it is pretty 'low rez' - whatever that means - but he added that if anyone wants to download the full rez version in glorious HarryVision please drop him a line and he'll make it available to you through www.2Peer.com

Anyway, here it is.



The more observant among you may have noticed a title change for this blog.

This came about after my personal advisor, mentor and uncle Paul mentioned that future employers might not like to know I was into world domination when they google me before an interview.

I can't say I've been googled before - but I quite like the sound of it.

Having said that - changing a title doesn't have to mean changing one's plans now... does it.

HJB out.

Two Months Old!

Yes folks, I've reached another milestone.
I feel really old now; there's a touch of stiffness in my knees and my hearing isn't what it used to be.
I think I might be losing my hair too - thanks dad.

Well, things are moving along quite nicely here. I have my parents exactly where I want them. Just one quick squeal and they either change my diaper, feed me or suck stuff out of my nose - sometimes all three at once. I am enjoying some quality time with my alleged parents, dad likes to make me giggle by tickling me mercilessly (I must remember this technique for future interrogations).

Mother seems to take great delight in getting me all dressed up like a fancy man - although I shouldn't complain, as my threads have turned many an eye and seem popular with the ladies.

My 'embarrassing' skin conditions (the acne, and the flaky scalp) appear to be clearing up nicely - thank god I won't have to go through this again...

It hasn't all been fun and games though. Mother and father have finally revealed their true intentions by taking me to a large, gray building where a lady who 'claimed' to be a nurse stuck five, yes FIVE, needles into my pudgy little legs claiming that it was for my own good.
I ask you, does this look like it was for my own good?

I have to admit though, it wasn't long before I had forgotten the pain and began to practice my singing (encouraged by Auntie Bethany).

I have been attempting the scales, but I can't seem to get past Doh, Ray, Me, Me, Me, Me, ME, ME, ME!

Oh, by the way, if you find that your milk supply is running a little low, that is because the Geek Scout attempt to liberate all the milk in Fort Knockers went extremely well - not only that, but on the way back we stopped off in Idaho and acquisitioned all the potatoes, mwahahaha!

In other news, I've been having some fun with Uncle Paul lately. He has finally discovered how easy it is to change my diaper - that's right man - inhale deeply!

Uncle Paul still hasn't figured out why I fart uncontrollably when he puts me on his lap - and he was even more shocked when I finally 'tagged' him with some pee the other day. Could it be the position he has me laying in?

I'll leave you with three of my favorite shots from the past week - first up is lil' ol' me in the jungle - I love my jungle play mat, I can lay in here for ages, chatting with the monkeys and parrots, and because of the constant soundtrack playing overhead, I can now identify over fifteen species of poisonous frogs just by their chirps. This could come in useful.

Here I am in my favorite sleep suit - sadly I am growing too big for it, so I forced father to take my picture in it for posterity's sake. Hoo, hoo, hee hee, they're all after me lucky charms!

Lastly, here is the reason why dad is so far behind on his school work this quarter. What can I say? Sleep is fun.

Until next time, HJB out.

Some random shots for you to coo over.

It has come to my attention that I am unbearably cute.

So, while I wait to see what my parents have in store for my two month birthday celebrations on Wednesday (I expect this every month now), I thought I might treat you, my loyal subjects, to a selection of my latest portfolio shots.

Before that, however, I have to show you one of the cool presents I received recently.

My good friend, Auntie Melinda, made me this splendid blanket.

It is festooned with father's own doodles - and I love it!

Here I am wriggling on it.

And now, onto the gallery...

I call this one 'baby face'. Clever eh?

This is me blowing bubbles in my sleep.

This next one is a picture of mum feeding me.

This is me sleeping on dad. Again.

And here's me in the buff. Calm down, ladies, there's enough to go around.

Here I am helping myself to a drink. 'Come on woman! Get it out!'

Here's dad burping me. Note the unsoiled t-shirt he is wearing... for now.

And I leave you with one final image. I might use this shot for my book cover.

Until next time,

HJB out.

To sleep, perchance to pee.

Greetings worshippers,

It's been a mixed bag this week. Firstly I got to meet Grandpa Gill. He's a nice old guy who likes to feed me and always makes me smile.


No sooner had I met him, than he and Granny Gill hopped back on a plane and left - but not for long, I suspect...

Since then, I have done some serious laying around. It takes a toll on one's brain thinking up diabolical plots you know.


My favorite thing to wear while I ponder my plans is my camouflaged sleep sack - bet you can't spot me!


I often fall asleep after a particularly heavy meal - dad calls this a 'milk coma'.
He thinks he's so funny.


I make him pay for his insolence though. I just treat him like a common mattress.


I must admit, one of my favorite places to sleep is in my car seat. I can be making enough noise to wake the dead and wriggling like a sack full of eels - but as soon as they put me in this contraption, I just can't help myself, I'm out like a light. I think they must have installed some kind of hypnotic spray device in the handle or something.


Just lately I have been working on my conversation skills - after all, I'm not going to get very far with my ransom demands if I can't make the United Nations understand my demands. Here I am practising on mother.

Part one. Engage the listener.


Part two. Get annoyed when she doesn't understand.


Part three. Get upset when she thinks I just want a diaper change, not 3 billion in used notes and a helicopter.


Part four. Look at her condescendingly.


Part five. Try to open a dialogue one last time.


Part six. Give up. Blow raspberry.


Part seven. Fall asleep again.


Man, this is hard work.

HJB out.