Thursday, March 13, 2008

Heart of Dorkness

Greetings, future loyal subjects,

Baby Gill Baker here with an update for you.

Well, my guards took me to visit the person who claims to be a 'doctor', and she poked and prodded for a while, before holding some kind of 'listening device' against my captor's belly.

After a while, once the various gurgles and farts had been filtered out, they were able to listen to my heartbeat, which, according to the doctor, was "strong and healthy".

Little did they know that I was in the middle of watching Die Hard 4 on Blu-Ray, which might have explained the rapid beats.

Why Blu-Ray?
Do you have any idea what DirecTV is charging for cable into this place?

I have the next ultrasound scheduled for April 10th - so I'd better look for some new threads before the picture is taken - got to look good for my adoring fans.

BGB out.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

What's in a name?

Hello again,

Well, we are 15 weeks into this ordeal, and still no sign of whether my appeal for release has been accepted.
On the plus side, this gives me more time to plot my eventual domination of this world...

I have already had a request from a fellow captive, Baby Wood Hooper, who suggests we join forces. This is a good idea, I believe in strength in numbers.
Baby Wood Hooper, if you are reading this, I will be setting up a chatwomb shortly where we can discuss our plans in peace.

In the meantime, I have heard through the grapevine (actually, through the belly button) that my 'guards' are already thinking up names for me upon release.

If I am a boy, they seem pretty set on Harrison James Baker. Supposedly I am being named after some carpenter and part time actor. Actually, I rather like the name Harrison - shorten it to Harry.
"'ello, my name's 'arry Baker, an' if you don't like 'ospital food then you better watch yer mouth, sunshine."
Yes - I like this name.

If I turn out to be a girl, then their job is a bit trickier.
The male guard seems set on Olivia Buttercup Baker, but the one carrying me in her chocolate chip cookie lined pod isn't so sure. She keeps tossing out new names every other day. I'm rather partial to Amazonia or Apocalyptica, but there seems to be no way to convey this to my idiot guards.

Until next time, BGB out.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The Invasion Begins!

Welcome to my blog.

My name is Baby Gill Baker, and I haven't decided if I am going to be a boy or a girl yet.

I think daddy wants a boy so that he can play Star Wars with me, but mummy wants a girl so that she can go shoe shopping with me.

I've decided I will try to be a bit of both so that we can go shopping for Star Wars shoes.

My plans for world domination are secret at the moment, but as soon as I am out of here, you will all be trembling at my feet, mwahahahaha!

I will update this blog with reports about doctor visits (apparently the fluid at the back of my neck is jolly nice and mummy has the body of a 20 year old), food cravings (burgers, chocolate, no change there then) and things daddy has done wrong (everything, all the time), and in the meantime I'll leave you with some beautiful pictures of me.