Winding up father

Salutations subjects,

Well, it's been a week since my irresponsible parents took me to see Iron Man, and my amniotic sack is still quivering.

Other than subjecting a poor, innocent foetus to the pounding soundtrack of a summer blockbuster, my guards appear to be treating me just fine. We went for our monthly check-up today, and the nice Dr. Crowe said that mother's blood pressure and weight are perfect, and that I am growing at a goodly rate. Here is evidence to prove it.
You will notice I have finally finished the extension I have been working on.


I currently have a rather jolly wheeze going on with my alleged father. I kick and bounce around, all to my mother's chagrin, at which point she insists on grabbing father's hand and forcing him to feel her belly. However, as soon as I sense his sweaty mitt in my proximity I lay perfectly still - thus causing much disappointment and antagonism in the outside world. Well, I have to find something to do to stop myself going stir-crazy.
I have heard father remark on several occasions that he intends communicating with me via rhythmic tapping on the outer wall of 'Bellyomom', much in the same way naked mole rats communicate with David Attenborough.
Father is an idiot.

On a lighter note, I thought you might like to see the latest fashions that every well-heeled baby should be wearing this Fall.

The first outfit came from an old lady who claims to be my grandparent, and who shall henceforth be known as 'Short Round'. She believes I will be a pilot - well, it's true, I like a drink...


The second top came all the way from jolly old England, sent by the woman who shall henceforth be known as 'Granny Annie' - she has good taste - I think I like robots.


The third outfit came from my guards, who saw it at WonderCon (some type of nerd gathering place) and just had to buy it. Listen, if I went around around buying the first things I saw, then we would be up to our knees in gloop and stomach lining.



And so, I must bid you adieu. It's time to start kicking again as I can detect that mother has got comfortable on the new couch and is thinking about having a nap.

We'll soon see about that!