Well, I thought you might like to know that phase one of my global domination plans is in effect.
Phase one, code-named 'Operation Breakdown', is designed to destroy the will of my parents, thus making them easier to manipulate when it comes to doing complicated things, or getting stuff down that I'm too small to reach.
Father was relatively easy. Firstly I made sure he was tired. I did this through the utilization of random and completely irrational whimpering followed by a grimace as I forced yet another mustard-colored, cottage cheese surprise into my underwear.
The final straw came when he changed me after a particularly abundant bowel movement. I waited until he had fully clothed me before filling my diaper once more. As he proceeded to change me for a second time, I waited until the perfect moment, then peed all over him, ruining a third diaper and crushing his spirits once and for all.
He is now mine.
I do the same to mother, but she is proving to be a tougher nut to crack. here, let me demonstrate...
Step One - the innocent look. Draw the victim closer with cuteness. That's right - come a little closer...
Step Two - pick the moment. A shifty glance to the side shows that she is distracted - I pick this moment to cause a squelching cacophony in my diaper.
Step Three - the nonchalant wait. I make it appear as if nothing more is going to happen than a routine diaper change. Nope. Nothing to see here. Move along.
Step Four - I strike! With precise aim I hit my target, increasing the laundry needs of the house by 100%. Mother stares in disbelief.
Step Five - maniacal laughter. A good 'Mwahahaha' helps to seal the deal I find.
I get the feeling that mother will have to be 'marked' a few more times before she bends to my will - but I have plenty of time, and my water pistol is always loaded.
I must admit, I sometimes feel a little bad about peeing on mother (not dad though).
After all, we have shared some quality napping times together.
I met Uncle Paul too the other day.
He's OK - but he won't hold me long enough for me to give him a special diaper present. I must think of something else...
HJB out.
11 comments:
Oh my...you are certainly taking the world by storm! I imagine thousands of historical texts in the future will strive to determine how someone so cute could resort to such tactics. ;)
Don't be too hard on you mum & dad! They are the ones with bail $$$. Haha! ;D
Ah, I remember getting sprayed many a time back in the early days. Don't you worry, by the time they learn to pee in their diaper, it will nearly be time to potty train them! It's all part of the evil plan of babies to make us work hard for them! At least the cuteness makes it tolerable.
How's the sleep going?
Sounds like the meconium count is high with this one.
Father was relatively easy. Firstly I made sure he was tired. I did this through the utilization of random and completely irrational whimpering followed by a grimace as I forced yet another mustard-colored, cottage cheese surprise into my underwear.
You lost me on this one...LMAO
I met Uncle Paul too the other day.
RUN HARRISON RUN
He's OK - but he won't hold me long enough for me to give him a special diaper present. I must think of something else...
Good luck, cause you're gonna need it with that. Unlike you, your Uncle is NOT strong with the diaper Force...LOL
This why I hate that "This little piggy" game we play... it always ends with someone getting wee wee wee all over them.
Gotta say, that's one adorable kid!
You are off to a great start in your quest for world domination Harrison!!
I am most impressed with the skills of one so young...
hahahahahaha have fun my friend hehe.
Harrison, you are being taught very well. Impressive, most impressive.
Wow! What a beautiful boy!
I am so happy for you all (and I'm also so familiar with those soupy poops that seem to get all over everything no matter what you do).
It is so exhausting being a new parent, but it does get better, and the love for such a sweet youngling helps pull you through.
Congratulations!!
Thanks for the hearty laugh, HJB!! You are one clever kid!! I wondered if the trip to the outside would dampen your wit (or at least eliminate your ghostwriter's energy), but I am thrilled to see that both are still firmly in tact!
One thing, though, kid...that's not water you're shootin' with that pistol. Be kind! :D
Well, Harry, this is all I have to say . . .
your mom and dad are pretty stalwart, so you might have to try a little harder. Mwahahahahahahaha! You may think you've got them under your control, but just wait until the sleep stupor under which they will live the first 3 months (of your life) dissipates . . .
It looks like you're enjoying life, and, for that, I am immensely happy. :-)
To K & N:
Beautiful pics. And I love hearing about H's antics. Just wait until he starts crawling . . .
Have fun!
JMW :-)
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