My plans for world domination are progressing smoothly, if a little slowly. I had not anticipated this inability to walk or use a telephone to last quite as long as it has - but I am confident that I will be calling in the first air strikes within the month.
In the meantime, I am continuing to practice looking cute, as I find this helps me bend the will of lesser mortals to my every whim. Here is one face I have been working on.
I have also tried smiling, as this seems to endear me even more to these servants who live only to feed me and wipe my bottom.
But of course, as soon as their backs are turned, I am up to my usual tricks, formulating new world domination plots and other nefarious schemes - mwahahaha.
I like to share my insidious plans with my closest confidant - monkey. I like monkey, he doesn't judge me, nor does he blab his mouth off to the rozzers (that's slang for cops, I picked that up from dad).
I am not taking this future role of world leader lightly, and am ensuring that I look my best for all upcoming engagements.
This includes a trip to Uncle Paul's gym, where I work my guns until I feel the burn.
Then I insist on a quick manicure - one doesn't want to be caught shaking hands with fellow despots with unsightly fingernails.
Then it is time for a bath. My caretakers' first attempts with bathing me left a little bit to be desired. Oh, it all started out sensible enough. I waited patiently in my tub while they fussed around trying to get the water temperature right.
OK - not really that patiently - I mean, c'mon, how hard can it be to add equal amounts of hot and cold water?
Once they figured out what they were doing, the actual bathing bit was extremely pleasurable. The shower-head got water into crevices even I didn't know I had.
When it was all over they wrapped me in a towel - and thought the entire operation had gone smoothly.
How little they knew.
I had neglected to tell them that the rubber stopper in the base of the bath was not in place - so all the time father was showering me, the water was running out of the bottom of the tub, all over the floor and mostly down granny who was helping at the time.
Score another soaking for HJB!
Until next time, HJB out.
5 comments:
A brilliant week young Harrison, your Alberta counterpart Lexie looks forward to your next update.
Why are the adorable kids always the most evil? Why, I ask you?
very cute pictures!
Pure evil that one.
He likes baths? Are they evil baths? What about petting zoos? Evil petting zoos?
Harry, you continue to delight me. Your antics have me in stitches (although I am not too sure you know what that means just yet), and lest you think it will aid in your quest for world domination, please think again.
I am not that easily swayed, even by one so dashing as yourself.
Keep working on those different looks. You're doing a great job.
:-)
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